The stars of Michael Bay's latest summer extravaganza are first seen together on a lunch line, wearing white athletic suits, and apparently living in some pristine, antiseptic bio-dome where the human race has been forced to live following a global contamination in the year 2019. Our heroine, Jordan Two Delta, played by sumptuously talented actress Scarlett Johansson, teaches fellow resident Lincoln Six Echo (Ewan McGregor, doing the best he could under the circumstances), that to get some strips of fried pork (a restricted food for some) you need to put on a performance and manipulate the affable lunch lady.

How fitting, I thought, that Scarlett begins her first official career sell-out role with purposely bad acting in order to bring home the bacon. After her breakout in 2003's Lost in Translation, and then maintaining her credibility with strong work in smaller, interesting movies like A Love Song for Bobby Long and In Good Company, it was only a matter of time before she did a movie where her lips and bust would earn a hefty paycheck, the corporate sponsors would be popping up everywhere, and her dialogue would mainly consist of the word “Run!.” Enter Michael Bay, a successful man who desires to be nothing more than entertainer to the idiot masses