10. May you be as vast as the singles on the Upper West Side
9. May you be as good a dancer to someday do all the steps to Yiddin
8. May your bathrooms never be without air freshener after a hot-chulent kiddush
7. May you be as prosperous as that shnerer-woman who gives out the red bendels at the Kotel
6. May you always get to a wedding in time for the shmorg
5. May you be blessed with the shortest bar/bat miztvah parsha
4. May you never be seated on an El Al Plane next to some really sweaty fat dude
3. May you be blessed with Dutch ancestry, so that you only have to wait one hour between eating meat and milk
2. May your year in Israel be fully accepted as "multi-cultural" college credits
1. May your 18 minutes be able to extend for as long as it takes for the shower, ironing, hair-blowing, dinner to finish