Abbott: I see you're here for your Hebrew lesson.
Costello: I'm ready to learn.
Abbott: Now, the first thing you must understand is that Hebrew and English have many words which sound alike, but they do not mean the same thing.
Costello: Sure, I understand.
Abbott: Now, don't be too quick to say that.
Costello: How stupid do you think I am – don't answer that. It's simple – some words in Hebrew sound like words in English, but they don't mean the same thing.
Abbott: Precisely.
Costello: We have that word in English, too. What does it mean in Hebrew?
Abbott: No, no. Precisely is an English word.
Costello: I didn't come here to learn English, I came to learn Hebrew. So make with the Hebrew.
Abbott: Fine. Let's start with mee.
Costello: You.
Abbott: No, mee.
Costello: Fine, we'll start with you.
Abbott: No, we'll start with mee.
Costello: Okay, have it your way.
Abbott: Now, mee is who.
Costello: You is Abbott.
Abbott: No, no, no. Mee is who.
Costello: You is Abbott.
Abbott: You don't understand.
Costello: I don't understand? Did you just say me is who?
Abbott: Yes I did. Mee is who.
Costello: You is Abbott.
Abbott: No, you misunderstand what I am saying. Tell me about mee.
Costello: Well, you're a nice enough guy.
Abbott: No, no. Tell me about mee!
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Precisely.
Costello: Precisely what?
Abbott: Precisely who.
Costello: It's precisely whom!
Abbott: No, mee is who.
Costello: Don't start that again – go on to something else.
Abbott: All right. Who is he.
Costello: Who is he?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: I don't know. Who is he?
Abbott: Sure you do. You just said it.
Costello: I just said what?
Abbott: Who is he.
Costello: Who is he?
Abbott: Precisely.
Costello:Again with the precisely! Precisely who?
Abbott: No, precisely he.
Costello: Precisely he? Who is he?
Abbott: Precisely!
Costello: And what about me?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: me, me, me!
Abbott: Who, who, who!
Costello: What are you, an owl? Me! Who is me?
Abbott: No, who is he!
Costello: I don't know, maybe he is me!
Abbott: No, hee is she!
Costello: Do his parents know about this?
Abbott: About what?
Costello: About her!
Abbott: What about her?
Costello: That she is he!
Abbott: No, you've got it wrong – hee is she!
Costello: Then who is he?
Abbott: Precisely!
Costello: Who?
Abbott: He!
Costello: Me?
Abbott: Who!
Costello: He?
Abbott: She!
Costello: Who is she?
Abbott: No, who is he.
Costello: I don't care who is he, I want to know who is she?
Abbott: No, that's not right.
Costello: How can it not be right? I said it. I was standing here when I said it, and I know me.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: Who
Abbott: Precisely!
Costello: Me! Me is that he you are talking about! He is me!
Abbott: No, hee is she!
Costello: Wait a minute, wait a minute! I'm trying to learn a little Hebrew, and now I can't even speak English. Let me review.
Abbott: Go ahead.
Costello: Now first you want to know me is who.
Abbott: Correct.
Costello: And then you say who is he.
Abbot: Absolutely.
Costello: And then you tell me he is she.
Abbott & Costello: Precisely!
Costello: Now look at this logically. If me is who, and who is he, and he is she, don't it stand to reason that me is she?
Abbott: Who?
Costello: She!
Abbott: That is he!
Costello: Who is he?
Abbott & Costello: Precisely!
Costello: I have just about had it. You have me so confused that I just want to go home. You know what I want? Ma!
Abbott:What.
Costello: I said Ma.
Abbott: What.
Costello: What are you, deaf? I want Ma!
Abbott: What!
Costello: Not what, who!
Abbott: He!
Costello: Not he! Ma is not he!
Abbott: Of course not! Who is he!
Costello: I don't know. I don't know. I don't care. I don't care who is he, he is she, me is who, ma is what. I just want to go home now and play with my dog.
Abbott: Fish.
Costello: Fish?
Abbott: Dag is fish.
Costello: That's all, I'm outa here.
La Vie Boehme dudes! – Terri