Dear Zionist Website:
I appreciate this opportunity to write in support of an unfairly much-maligned group, Al-Qaeda. This humanitarian organization has come under much criticism for the name of our group having the letter Q not followed by a U. You, who write the grammar textbooks, and control their worldwide distribution, say that we somehow violate your rules, as if we are subjugated to any laws other than those of Allah, the most munificent. Why do you not level this same baseless and obscene charge against Qantas, the Crusader Australian airliner? Clearly it is because of your hatred of Islam and all Arabs and anyone with a name that causes you to bring up phlegm while pronouncing it. You Zionists think that just because you control the world's financial centers and media and
domination of the medical and legal professions, not to mention your monopoly on bagels, means you can decide on the rules of grammar for the entire world as well?
Your arrogant attitude in this regard demonstrates with total certainty that you stole all the Palestinians' land and are using your grammar imperialism to help effectuate a Greater Israel throughout the Arab lands. But Allah is all-Seeing, all-Knowing, and the Prophet PBU'H in our Holy Book clearly states that "when Christians and Jews join together like a Shepherd with his sheep, then you shall know that they conspire to have all Q's followed by U's. They plan, but Allah plans better."
You American Zionists only deceive. You try to disparage us in the most insidious ways. You pronounce the Muslim nation of Qatar (again, we defy you by omitting a U!) as though it were "gutter." You continue to make the outlandish claim that a Jewish Temple stood at Haram al-Sharif in al-Quds, when all reputable archeologists have proven that the ancient stones are remnants of an Arab opium den. You attempt to denigrate our holy Yathrib with your songs about a "funky called Medina." Medina, is not a funky, it is a holy place of the Prophet! Oh, Allah is vengeful, but also merciful.
This is why we succeeded so greatly in destroying your Crusader capitalist Twin Towers (even though we had nothing to do with this beautiful martyrdom operation). Your arrogance and aggression in areas of grammar and culture, and your attempt to humiliate our people, are the reasons you are hated by the world. You attempt to contaminate our pure Islamic culture of misogyny and violence with your Q's and U's, your pork and alcohol, and your Britney Spears, whose poster Zionist agents surreptitiously placed on the ceiling over my bed.
However, Allah the Watchful will confound you. We will soon spell all words that have Q's while omitting the U's. And you can qote me on that. Yet another great victory for Islam over the infidels!
Fondly,
Mohammad Fatwa al-Jihad aka Ali Abubu
Executive Director
American Friends of Al-Qaeda, Political Wing
A 501-C (3) organization. Donations are tax-deductible and may be funneled through several Florida universities and Brooklyn mosques. Please specify bomb type on the check.