Dear Person I Don't Want to Talk to On My Morning Commute,

It was really great seeing you this morning. Actually, seeing you was all I had envisioned–A drive-by saying hi, acknowledging your existence, and then a continuous walk down the platform, maybe just 10 feet away from you. But you wanted more.

Juggling my coffee, my yarmulke, and my expired MetroCard is usually enough for me in the mornings, but you added another piece to my puzzling commute.   Conversation.

Like my Metrocard, this is 'Insufficient (and un)fare'. 

Your extremely loud GOOOOD MORRRNING HOW ARE YOU? trumped my obvious defensive iPod listening and AM New York 'The BUZZ' reading. I answered fast and looked away, but you wanted more.  

You insightful questions like: You live around here? Where is your office? What do you do again?  Are you still dating that girl?  were truly riveting but I forgot to mention in my barrage of 1 word answers “86th, 42nd, I-banking, Still dating that girl”, that I like most people on the subways 1) don't want to converse with words 2) don't want to hear how your vacation plans are going or really answer any personal questions out loud   3) are dead in the mornings. Brain dead temporarily, until we get to our destination. Let's bond over complaning about how long the trains take, and dayenu. But realize, it's not you, it's me. In the mornings.   

Now, I don't mind a very quick funny story about your roommate, but being that loud is ruining what train rides are suppose to be about, which is enjoying the silent movie. Staring quietly at people without shame. That's it, enjoy trying to make eye contact with that hot girl or reading the trash mag over the guy 's shoulder sitting way to close to you. Guess what that indie girl with the nose-ring does for a living or how that guy could wear such an ugly tie. Think they are dating?   Think she's married? Think that's a wedding ring or not?  Think. But don't talk. It ruins the silent movie that I'm watching. 
You need to know this and it is for this reason that I am writing you this letter to inform you to cease and desist your morning conversations. This is not a reflection on you or my feelings towards you, but I would rather jump in  front of our train than be on the train talking to you. No offense.


Hope to SEE you again on the subway platform. (See is in caps cause that's all I want for now in our relationship) Until next ride…

Best,
The guy you talked to this morning on the train.