There just are some things in life that are intrinsically Jewish, while other things by nature are Goyish.

Originally based on Lenny Bruce's famous routine of the “Jewish” “Goyish” breakdown, and the hysterical David Kamp GQ article in 1999, here is the “Jewish” updated version of dividing things into “Jewish” and “Goyish”


I am Jewish, Harrison Ford is Jewish, The Iron Chef is Jewish.
Kid Rock is Goyish. Kathie Lee is Goyish.
Billy Joel is as Jewish as it gets, Elton John is Goyish.
While Coke is Jewish, Pepsi veers more Goyish..but has Jewish Commercials.
Dick Cheney is definitely Jewish, President Bush is severely Goyish
Hulk Hogan has always been Jewish, as Rick Flair has always been goyish
Yahoo! is so Jewish, as opposed to Excite and Ask Jeeves which are Goyish
Britney is most definitely Jewish, while Christina is as Goy as they come.

PCs are Jewish, Macs are Goyish
Pot is one of the most Jewish things around. Yet Bongs are so goyish.
Spell-Check is Jewish. But using the Thesaurus is goyish.
Evan Jewish, Jaron Goyish.
Good ole Kosher Delight is absolut Jewish, but the new Kosher Deluxe is Goyish
Snapple is Jewish, as Arizona is Goyish.
Batman is a Jewish superhero. Robin is Goyish.
Penn is a freaking Goy, while Teller is a silent Masmid.
MTV was Jewish and VH1 Goyish, but with 'Behind the Music' -VH1 has fully converted.

Both Mario and Luigi were Jewish, along with Zelda, although the princess they rescued was goyish.
The entire idea of 'Designing Women' was goyish. 'Golden Girls' screamed Jewish.
George Castanza was Jewish, Seinfeld was Goyish.
Bruce Willis is a Jew. Robert De Niro is a Jew. Robbin Williams is a rebbi. However, Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise are goyim.
Chandler is Jewish, the rest of the 'Friends' cast is Goyish.
Felicity is only Jewish because the show is filmed in New York.
Dawson is Jewish, Pacey is Goyish..Joey Potter went to Ramaz.
Kurt Loder is Jewish and Carson Daily is Goyish
'Survivor' is ultra Jewish, 'Boot Camp' is antisemtic Goyish
Polyesters' is Goyish, Culture Club is Jewish.

The 'Parlour' is Jewish and recently mikaraved 'Fez' to the Jewish realm as well

The Upper West Side is Jewish, Upper East Side is tre' Goyish.
The West Side of Columbus Avenue is Jewish, the east side of the street is Goyish
Mezonot is Jewish, Kosher Marketplace is Goyish
Inasense was Jewish, and now SoulFarm just sounds Goyish.
HBO is Jewish. Cinemax is goyish.
'Chicago Hope' can only hope to be as frum as 'ER' is
Jon Stewart defines Jewishness, Drew Carrey reeks of Goy
Jo, Tootie, and Natalie were all under the kosher supervision of Mrs. Garrett. Blair Warner was a model shikse.
2,3,1,9,B,C trains are Jewish, the 4,5,6, 7 are Goyish.
The Great Lawn in Central Park is Jewish, Sheepshead Meadow is Goyish.
Midwesterners are goyish, but Out-of-towners are Jewish.
Roller Blades have become Jewish, but the Extensive Protective Equiptment is Goyish.
All fruit added to a vegetable salad is considered Goyish, except for Craisins, which are Jewish.
Mayonaise on anything is Goyish.
Artscroll is Jewish, Birnbaum is Goyish
'Sex in the City' is a Jewish girl's dream. 'The Soprano's' is a Jewish girl's reality.
Letterman and Conan push to be more Jewish, Leno and Killborn are goyish at the core.

E-greetings and palm pilots are goyish forms of communication. Instant Messenger is the Jewish way to schmooze.
Oprah is Jewish, Ricky Lake is
The Britta filter is Jewish, Pur is Goyish water.
Bell Atlantic was Jewish, Verizon is Goyish.
Banking is Jewish, Consulting is Goyish
'Spinning' is goyish. However 'DJ'ing is jewish.
The GAP has been Jewish for years, but is going off the derech
H&M is Jewish, but all Capri Pants sold there are Goyish
Jewish Center at night is Jewish, but Goyish by day.
Ramath Orath is Jewish, KOE is Goyish.
Dunkin Donuts was Jewish, Donut Connection is Goyish.
Guliani is Jewish, although his actions are making him a bit goyish
The Wall Street Journal is Jewish, The Financial Times is Goyish.
Transformers was Jewish, Gobots were goyish.
ESPN is Jewish, ESPN2 is goyish.
'Law&Order' is the absolute Jewish Halacha LeMasah
Barnes & Nobles is Jewish, B. Daulton is goyish.
Macys is Jewish, Nordstrom's goyish.
Broadway is Jewish until it hits Union Square.
Arnold Drummond was Jewish as opposed to that redhead Sam who was goyish.
Braveheart was a Jewish movie, although Mel Gibson is usually pretty goyish.
Home Improvements was very goyish except for their wise rabbinical neighbor.
Oatmeal is Jewish. Wheetena goyish.
College Football is goyish, college basketball is Jewish. All sports drafts are Jewish.
Golf is a sport that wants to be Jewish so badly.
Hieneken is goyish. Corona is goyish only with a lemon.
Rap music is Jewish. Metal is goyish. Cover bands are always Jewish.
Metallica was Jewish until the whole Napster fallout
.com is Jewish, .net is goyish.
All Soap Operas are goyish except for Days of Our lives which is Jewish
Seventeen magazine is goyish, YM is ultra Jewish. soo soo Jewish, seems to be a wee bit Goyish.