French government officials declared that the long and terminal decline of Yasser Arafat should not be seen as a bar to his continued leadership role in international affairs. “Even if one’s day of relevance and power seem to be long gone never to return — as long as one can revel in past glory, that should be sufficient to continue to play an important leadership role in international affairs. Of course, we believe the very same analysis applies to France itself.”
A spokesman said that even death may not be a bar to Arafat’s continued role as a leading statesman in French eyes. “We continue to embrace Chairman Arafat as an important statesman despite his terrorism, corruption, embezzlement, tyranny and despotism – why should death be viewed as a more severe disqualification?”
Notwithstanding, French medical officials dismissed rumors of Arafat’s imminent demise, suggesting their doctors would have him “back up and killing others in no time.” They added, however, that it is a good thing that Chairman Arafat did not come to a French hospital in August. “I am afraid then he would have flown all that way but found all of the doctors and nurses on holiday, with no one to even notice him – as happened to 15,000 elderly pensioners who perished in French cities during a heat wave last August.”
France maintains an important strategic relationship with many Arab countries, and has many Middle Eastern immigrants. Experts believe this is needed in order to maintain an important “outsourcing” relationship, in particular for a lot of the more difficult work of anti-Semitism that French natives are no longer willing to do themselves. Supporters of the outsourcing relationship note its successes, citing that after years of relatively peaceful post-WW2 existence for the Jews of France, it is no longer safe to wear a yarmulkes on its streets, and that more than half of French Jews are actively considering leaving for the US or Israel.
In other news, French President Chirac, after paying his respects to the ailing Chairman Arafat, declared that he simply did not have any time free on his calendar to meet with Ilyad Allawi, leader of the interim Iraqi government, while Mr. Allawi is visiting Europe. “This should not be viewed as a snub of Mr. Allawi.” French officials insisted. “It should be viewed as a snub of the United States.”