In a New York restaurant
“Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.”

In a New Jersey restaurant
“Open seven days a week and weekends.”

In front of a New Hampshire restaurant
“Now serving live lobsters”

On the menu of a restaurant
“Blackened bluefish”
In a New York drugstore
“We dispense with accuracy.”

In a New York medical building
“Mental Health Prevention Center”

On a New York convalescent home
“For the sick and tired of the Episcopal church”

On the walls of a Baltimore estate
“Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
   — Sisters of Mercy”

On a long established New Mexico dry cleaning store
“Thirty-eight years on the same spot.”

In a funeral parlor
“Ask about our layaway plan.”

In a clothing store
“Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.”

Outside a country shop
“We buy junk and sell antiques.”

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store
“15 men's wool suits – $100 – They won't last an hour!”

In a Massachusetts parking area reserved for birdwatchers
“Parking for birds only.”

In the vestry of a New England church
“Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is

In a laundry room
“Do not put wet clothes in dryers, as this can cause irreparable damage.”

A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago
“Do not activate with wet hands.”

In a New Hampshire jewelry store
“Ears pierced while you wait.”

A sign in an Asian seafood store in Madison, Wisconsin
“Crap – .79/lb.”

In a Florida maternity ward
“No children allowed.”

In the offices of a loan company
“Ask about our plans for owning your home.”

At a number of US military bases
“Restricted to unauthorized personnel.”

On a display of 'You are my one and only' valentine cards
“Now available in multi-packs”

In the window of an Oregon general store
“Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?”

In a Pennsylvania cemetary
“Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own

On the grounds of a private school
“No trespassing without permission.”

In a library
“Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops
taking it away.”

On a Tennessee highway
“Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.”

In front of a New Hampshire car wash
“If you can't read this, it's time you wash your car.”

On a poster on a telephone pole in Oregon
“Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help.”

A sign on top of a San Fransico drug store located across the street from
the Transbay bus terminal
“Terminal Drugs”

From the safety information card in America West Airline seat pocket
“If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell
a crew member.”

On a delicatessen wall
“Our best is none too good”

On a roller caoster
“Watch your head”

On a Maine shop
“Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and

In downtown Boston
“Callahan Tunnel / No end.”

A sign on a front yard in York, Maine
“Inexpensive, Quality Daycare – Openings Day and Night.”