My entire branch of the family is bereft of a sense of direction.  My father wanders around with a hand-held gps, which allows him to get where he is going some of the time. When I went on a road trip with a friend in Israel we had a difficult time leaving Jerusalem as it took us three hours to find the parking lot where we had left our car.  I had the good sense to move to a city that was conveniently laid out in a grid pattern so I spent a lot less time wandering around in a confused fashion, but sadly, the rest of my family has not followed suit.  I am going to the Bat Mitzvah of my cousin in California next Shabbos.  Now most of the time those of us without a sense of direction can wander around with maps, and eventually get where we are going.  But what about when you’re someplace unfamiliar that doesn’t have an eruv and you don’t carry on Shabbos?

 When I lived in Berkeley I would draw elaborate maps on my knee and step by step directions all over my hand, but sweat would make the ink run, and before I knew it I would have no idea where I was or how I would ever get home from shul.  What the world really needs—more than world peace, the end to hunger, and a fair economic system—is temporary tattoos showing a map of the area around shuls.  Hosts can enclose these tattoo maps in their invitations to their internal-compass challenged guests, who can then stick them to an inconspicuous body part and surreptitiously consult it on their way to synagogue. 

Next in our series of wacky inventions:  the morat ayin proof umbrella.  You can use it on shabbos because it says “I can’t open or close!” on it in enormous letters. I expect this invention will completely demolish the sales of drugstore ponchos and dramatically increase my level of dryness and comfort.