Hilchos Xmas Eve — For Upper West Side Jews by Andy Bloom This motzei Shabbes is movie nacht far di yiddn. It's mammash a halacha: MISHNAH On the eve of the 24th, Jews eat Eastern and go to the movies. If Shabbos, it is pushed off to the 25th. Rabbi Akiva says only movies (are). RASHI: Eve of the 24th: of the goyishe month December — called Kratsmach in loshon yiddn. Eastern: This will be discussed in the Gemara. The 25th: after shkiya — motzei Shabbos. GEMARA: Eastern is Chinese. If you will say it refers to the East Side, how will you explain West Side Jews who never leave their neighborhood? I will tell you that it cannot mean Chinese as there are no (Kosher) Chinese restaurants left on the West Side or the East Side. Yet there is a braisa that reads: “Estihanna is a Chinese restaurant.” But really, Estihanna is Oriental cuisine. This can be reconciled: Jews call all Asian food Chinese food. Some says Jews are Philistines. Others say that is pas nisht. “Rabbi Akiva says only movies”: but all say that (on the eve of the 25th) even he would agree that a light meal after a movie is proper. Some say even dairy is acceptable. Some say dairy is preferred. Diet Coke is always the beverage of choice, unless bottled water is offered. Tap water is shunned on the Island of New York because of bed bugs. Everyone agrees that Regular Coke is a waste of calories. Snapple is so yesterday. Reb Andy always desires wine, but refrains from ordering it lest others suspect him (of being a drunkard). From where do we know that Chinese food is eaten by Jews on Xmas Eve? If you say that only those restaurants are opened that evening, I have a question! I have walked the breadth of The Island and have found many places open. That is because New York is different; it has an abundance of bnei-Ishmael. In New York, Chinese food has become a nostalgic metaphor for Jon Stewart-type Jews for a time that maybe once was. On the 26th, all Jews shop, looking for a metzia. Online shopping is also called shopping.