There just are some things in life that are intrinsically Jewish, while other things by nature are Goyish…

Originally based on Lenny Bruce's famous routine of the “Jewish” “Goyish” breakdown, and the hysterical David Kamp GQ article in 1999, not to mention bangitout editor Isaac Galena's updated version of dividing things into “Jewish” and “Goyish” on bangitout HERE

Due to our tech savy web-mania world we live in – I now give you 

Jewish vs. Goyish,  WEB EDITION

  • PC is Jewish, Mac is goyish  (the commercial says it all)

  • Netflix is Jewish. Blockbuster is goyish.

  • eBay is a shuk, Craigslist is the bais medrash bulletin board.

  • Google is searching for chometz, AskJeeves is searching for the Easter egg

  • MSN and Yahoo are shtetls looking to modernize; AOL is Eastern Europe Pre WWII.

  • JDATE is goyish, let's face it it is too good looking and too expensive to be Jewish

  • Youtube is the wild guy doing shtick at a wedding. VEOH, Dailymotion, Revver are his jealous talmidim wanting to get in next. 

  • Myspace is a good place to assimilate, Facebook like every top college, is 40% Jewish.

  • IMDb is the entire Babylonian Talmud, Rottentomatoes.com is the rishonim, achronim.

  • Google image is Jewish, Snapfish is Jewish, Flickr is goyish.

  • Amazon is the rebbetzin who knows too much about what you are looking for. 

  • TMZ is Jewish, Superficial is goyish, Perez Hilton is that hocker you love to hate.

  • Collegehumor is Jewish, Ebaumsworld has a Jewish last name but is goyish

  • WordPress is Jewish, Typepad is frum, blogger is modern orthodox. Blogging in general is so Jewish but people who blog daily have become goyish. 

  • Gawker wishes it wasn't so Jewish, Gawker Stalker is so goyish

  • Wikipedia is the most yeshivish thing ever

  • The Drudge Report is a shtark yid, the Huffington Post is goyish

  • Weather.com is a navi (prophet). Mapquest is the Ananani HaKavod that guided the Jews in the dessert.  Hopstop is almost too good to be Jewish.

  • Monster.com was Jewish but became goyish along with CareerBuilder. LinkedIn is the new Jew in town.

  • Doubleclick is Jewish, Atlas is goyish.

  • Joost will become the most Jewish site on the planet, next to Slingbox.

  • Orbitz is Jewish, travelocity and expedia are a bit goyish, travelzoo is a Jewish scene

  • iVillage is the women's auxiliary, Oprah.com & Marthastewart wish they were Jewish

  • All Health sites are Jewish. WebMD is your cousin, the gastro.  

  • SI.com & ESPN.com are Jewish, Sporting News is goyish

  • Forbes.com is goyish, Kramer is so Jewish.

  • Godaddy.com converted with their Superbowl ads, Register.com is too expensive to be Jewish

  • iTunes is Jewish, Napster used to be the most chasidish site on earth, but now just seems goyish.

  • Skype is Jewish, AIM is goyish. MSN and Yahoo Messenger have their chassidim outiside the US.

  • PostSecret is vidui, but goyish. 

  • egreetings is goyish, BlueMountain is Jewish.

  • Gay.com is Jewish, Gaywired is Jewisher.  

  • Scottrade is goyish, etrade used to be Jewish when they had monkey ads

  • GMAIL is all the rage, but only seems to be half Jewish (not sure which half). Yahoo was good but went with AOL off the derech.

  • Overheard in New York.com should be Overheard in shul; all gossip sites are Jewish and are going to Hell for loshon hora and rechilus.

  • User Generated Content sites = the new way to comment ala Rashi

  • Social networking sites were created by Jewish hockers shmoozers to be as good as your   yenta mother

  • Viral video is all about passing something on, ie our tradition!