WOULD YOU RATHER…..

Sit through a long speech followed by a hot kiddush OR No speech followed by stale cookies and manishevitz?

Be a chazzan with a bad voice OR be a mohel with a twitch?  
 
Show up 2 hours late to a litvish minyan OR  Show up 2 hours early to a Lubavich minyan?

Become a convert at the age of 30 and receive a bris, metzitah b'peh included…. OR be the mohel?  

Entering a mikvah with an inch thick of hair floating on the surface OR toveling your kalim in it?
 
Find out you are not Jewish OR  find out your wife is not Jewish?

Be the Cohen duchening with the completely mismatching socks OR be the Cohen duchening who is singing the completely wrong tune?

Be one of Lot's Daughters OR be his wife? 

Return home from a long business trip to find out that your wife just became a niddah OR start on a long romantic vacation and find out that your wife just became a niddah?

Find out that the chicken you ate for dinner was completely treif  OR find out that the chicken you served to your guests for dinner was completely trief?

Be the Chazzan singing traditional kedushah completely off tune OR be the chazan singing kedushah beautifully to the tune of Jingle Bell Rock

Eat only cholent for the rest of your life OR never eat it again? 
 
Look like a man of 70 at age 17 OR look like a child all your life?
 
Be the annoying guy in shul who always tells the same bad joke OR Be the wierd guy in shul who talks to himself? 
 
Wear a streimel for the rest of your life OR never wear a head covering again?
 
Have Israeli B . O . or have Russian B . O . ?
 
Be a high-school rebbe who drives a beat-up station-wagon with different color doors, OR be a high school rebbe who drives a freshly painted station-wagon with no brakes?
 
Be a Chassid living in Englewood or Modern Orthodox living in New Square?

Have a terminal TzitTzit string hanging from your butt, or hanging from your fly?
 
Be a high-school rebbe who drives a beat-up station-wagon with different color doors, OR be a high school rebbe who drives a freshly painted station-wagon with no brakes?

Have grown up yeshivish and become modern OR have grown up modern and become yeshivish?
 
See your future bashert's face but forget it OR hear your future basherts voice and remember it?
 
Learn torah all your life and always forget it all OR learn for one year and remember everything?

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