1. JEWBILATION n.
Pride in finding out that one's favorite
celebrity is Jewish.
2. TORAHFIED n.
Inability to remember one's lines when
called to read from the Torah at one's
Bar or Bat Mitzvah.
3. SANTA-SHMANTA n.
The explanation Jewish children get for why
they celebrate Hanukkah while the rest of
the neighbors celebrate Christmas.
4. MATZILATION v.
Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while
trying to butter it.
5. BUBBEGUM n.
Candy one's mother gives to her grandchildren
that she never gave to her own children.
6. CHUTZPAPA n.
A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 a.m. so
she can change the baby's diaper.
7. DÉJÀ NU n.
Having the feeling you've seen the same
exasperated look on your mother's face,
but not knowing exactly when.
8. DISORIYENTA n.
When Aunt Sadie gets lost in a department
store and strikes up a conversation with
everyone she passes.
9. GOYFER n.
A Gentile messenger.
10. HEBORT vb.
To forget all the Hebrew one ever learned
immediately after one's Bar or Bat Mitzvah.
11. JEWDO n.
A traditional form of self-defense based
on talking one's way out of a tight spot.
12. MAMATZAH BALLS n.
Matzo balls that are as good as your mother
used to make.
13. MEINSTEIN – slang.
"My son, the genius!"