From <a href="http://www.therightreverendrabbijudah.com">The Right Reverend Rabbi Judah</a>: (Christian satire for the rest of us.)


Friends, it's no wonder, given the latest trends in the evangelical movement, why so many people think of the ministry these days as a glamorous calling. After all, the turnout alone for a Megachurch praise service on any given Sunday is enough to make a rockstar green with envy. Throw in the pastor's merchandising tie-ins, speaking fees and private jet, and it's easy to see why Bono has given up touring and taken up preaching.

But don't let the Ted Haggards and the John Walkers of the world fool you, friends. Because once you get past the cheap sex, plentiful drugs, and rock 'n roll lifestyle, the soul-saving racket is a cutthroat, bloodthirsty business. Most preachers would toss their own Granny into the flames of Hell if they thought it would give them a leg up on the competition. And with more shepherds fighting over fewer sheep, everyone's got their eyes peeled for new ways to move the product.

Take Rev. Karen Onesti, the pastor of the Masonville-Rancocas United Methodist Church in Mount Laurel, NJ. When she heard that Rabbi Andrew Bossov, of Mount Laurel's only synagogue, was in desperate need of a kidney donor, she quickly saw his medical condition for the ground-breaking prosletyzing opportunity it was. That's why early next year, she'll be inaugurating the first-ever Inside Out Ministry by having her God-fearing, Christian kidney transplanted into the Rabbi's Heeb body. With any luck, that single organ's faith will take hold and spread, leading the good Rabbi, cell by cell, to salvation in the Lord. Needless to say, once the Rabbi's in the fold, the rest of the congregation ought to be a piece of cake.

Of course, Reverend Karen will be out a kidney. But for her efforts, she's earned the second nomination for December's Minister of the Month Award. Because anyone can give the shirt off their backs for the Lord. Some folks might even give an arm and a leg. But Reverend Karen's giving a kidney. Top that, Bono.

The Right Reverend Rabbi Judah