Modern dating has become an exercise in futility, with girls and boys alike being dropped like bad habits. The striking difference is that bad habits require formative time, a priceless commodity seemingly overlooked by today's Modern Orthodox dating public.

Am I alone in thinking that this one-date-and-out phenomenon must come to an abrupt halt? We have somehow arrived at the conclusion that a one-hour date is more than enough time to determine whether someone is suitable not for marriage, but for even another date!

How well can you get to know someone on a first date? Armed with the knowledge that he has curly hair and played high school basketball, she goes off to make her final decision. Armed with the knowledge that she wears denim skirts and takes two sugars with her tea, he calculates the chances that they could ever be happy together. Their minds are made up before they even get to French Roast. Perish the thought that two people might actually get to know one another

Whether at work, play or elsewhere, 45 minutes does not make a relationship. It does not make a friendship. It does not even make an acquaintance. Is it even remotely feasible that we now know everything there is to know about one another because we shared one round of mocha frappuccinos and a riveting discussion on building Excel spreadsheets or the Harry Potter uprising? Now I know the real you. How presumptuous!

It is safe to say that many of us experience a measure of nervousness before a first date. There are expectations, fears of rejection, and other psychological obstacles to overcome. Everyone has a bad day. Perhaps Bill Lumbergh requested your presence at the office over the weekend? Maybe the RIAA is suing you for downloading Evanescence? Or quite possibly, astonishing as it may seem, you get nervous when meeting people for the first time.

As luck would have it, there may be no need for a meeting in the first place. You can now pay an online visit to Dr. Love (www.lovecalculator.com), type in the first names of both parties, and the calculator will tell you what chance you have of falling in love. It's more time- and cost-effective than any date will ever be, there are no first impressions to agonize over, and you can do it in your pajamas. Mork and Mindy have a 27% chance of falling in love, so why bother trying? Starbucks coffee is usually burnt anyways.

First impressions are only as important as you make them, and they are certainly not a meaningful indicator of a person's character, personality, or temperament. Since when does a shiny new book jacket make for great literature, or a flashy movie trailer translate into an Oscar-winning film?

If convicted felons are afforded three strikes before they lock the door and throw away the key, certainly respectable young adults deserve two. Even the New York Jets have perfected the three-and-out methodology. Let's get out there and invest some time in getting to know one another. We may find that swimming from shallow waters to the deep end is not so scary after all.


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From Jay
I'm sure 25 to 50 percent of the time you can tell right away if he or she's the one.

From Chesed00:
I always thought that people were suppose to know right off the bat (either when they casually first met someone or when they were set up on a blind date) whether or not there was chemistry and if it was worth putting any effort into the date. I was set up on a blind date with someone and honestly thought it was going to be 1 date only after the first half hour of our date.  After spending several hours with him I finally realized that the whole idea of “you just know” if you click or not on a first date was completely untrue. Although I didn't feel that my date and I clicked immediately, and I wouldn't characterize it as the best date of all time,  I knew that I has to give this person another chance. No,  his sense of humor wasn't exactly like mine, our backgrounds were slightly different, he wasn't the best dressed person I had ever seen(which I know people think make or break a date), and some of our interests were quite different. That is ok. The best relationships are when you have a partnership ,but you can maintain your individuality.Thank goodness I went out with him again because  that date which I thought would be a “one date only” turned out to be my spouse. Give people a chance. Go out on 2nd dates.

From Rachel
Dear Expert JMT,
It is apparent that you have never experienced a so-called “date from hell” where you find yourself sitting across the table from a balding 30-year old boy, yes boy, who can't stop talking about how great he is because he found a rent-controlled studio across the street from the Key West. He is rude, ugly, poorly dressed, and he can't stop staring at your chest. Why can't I still believe in love at first site?

I know if I will be getting out of the pool, or diving in head first within the first 2 minutes of a date.

Every time.