Breaking news out of Mud Lick, Kentucky (population 8,211). The Golem of Prague, the legendary creature of clay created by Rabbi Judah Loew The Maharal of Prague in the 16th century to defend the persecuted Jews of Central Europe from anti-Semitic violence, has been elected mayor of a sleepy southern community. It seems the Golem, known simply as “Yosseleh The Golem”, was added to the ballot on the Democratic ticket when a viable human candidate failed to turn up. The Golem's political platform remains rather ambiguous at this point, though rumor has it he will challenge the Defense of Marriage Act as the law's terminology precludes the Golem from finding a suitable soul mate in this predominantly human and Christian community. “I'm open to loving either a man or woman, but neither minister nor rabbi nor judge is willing to perform the ceremony,” said the Golem with tears dripping down the muddy rivulets of his ancient face. When asked how he got interested in politics, the Golem stated that “defending Jews from marauding anti-Semites gave me a taste of power; starring in Paul Wegener's German movie Der Golem, wie er in die Welt kam (1920), and then appearing in an episode of the X-Files got me craving the limelight; and seeing Arnold Schwarzenegger get elected to office inspired me to make the jump from violence and film into the political arena. If they'll elect a thuggish Austrian of Aryan descent, then why not elect a brawny Jewish creature of mud?” The Golem's election has sparked controversy and mass demonstrations in the streets of Mud Lick, both by defenders and opponents. Yosseleh's Defenders see him as a genuine populist grass-roots hero, and perhaps a future presidential candidate. Conservatives see him as an upstart and, worse, an alien. Wikileaks documents in fact suggest that the Golem is an alien, having slipped into the United States over the Mexican-Texas border in the company of illegal migrant workers. “They taught me Spanish, and I defended them from drug lords, rapists, and xenophobic minutemen,” fondly remembers Yosseleh, “I have made lifelong friendships, and I have been guaranteed free enchiladas in at least 6 states.” The Birther movement has been galvanized to topple the Golem, now that their Obama smear campaign has petered out. Reports suggest they tried to send Sarah Palin to Prague to retrieve the Golem's birth certificate, but she made a wrong turn at the Bering Strait and ended up stranded in the Russian tundra. She was last seen herding yaks near Lake Baikal. The Anti-Defamation League has, predictably, come to the Golem's defense, insisting that these charges against him are nothing but thinly veiled anti-Semitism, and his election represents the triumph of Jewish emancipation. “Attacking the Golem,” their spokesman insists, “is an attack against all Jews everywhere. His downfall would give Hitler a posthumous victory and would further serve to delegitimize Israel.” Indeed, noted Israel basher Helen Thomas was caught on film demanding that Yosseleh should go home, be dismembered, so his clay anatomy could be returned to its rightful owners. Asked what he would do if he's removed from office, The Golem shrugged and said: “I'll probably go back to Mexico. People seem to accept me more down there. Aside from the occasional 'que curioso, no pareces judio,' they regard me as a rightous dude, and a praiseworthy Yid.” By A Yid in Dixieland. Read more at: