For those of you who don't have the patience to sit thru a full Seder: The Two-Minute Haggadah – A Passover service for the impatient.
Thanks, God, for creating wine. (Drink wine.)
Thanks for creating produce. (Eat parsley.)
Once we were slaves in
1. What's up with the matzoh?
2. What's the deal with horseradish?
3. What's with the dipping of the herbs?
4. What's this whole slouching at the table business?
1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry. There was no time for making decent bread.
2. Life was bitter, like horseradish.
3. It's called symbolism.
4. Free people get to slouch.
A funny story:
Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning. (Heat soup now.)
The four kinds of children and how to deal with them:
Wise child-explain Passover.
Simple child-explain Passover slowly.
Silent child-explain Passover loudly.
Wicked child-brow beat in front of the relatives.
Speaking of children: We hid some matzoh. Whoever finds it gets five bucks.
The story of Passover:
It's a long time ago. We're slaves in
The 10 Plagues: Blood, Frogs, Lice-you name it.
The singing of “Dayenu”:
If God had gotten us out of
Eat matzoh. Drink more wine. Slouch.
Thanks again, God, for everything.
Say Grace. Drink more wine. Sing some more songs. Try to stay awake.
Who knows one? Who knows two through thirteen?
Dad bought a goat for two zuzim. Everyone beats up every one until God steps in.
Go to sleep.
Do it again another night.