Dear
___ Roommate
___ Fiancé
___ Neighbor
___ Roommate’s significant other
___ Roommate’s annoying friend who comes over all the time
___ Wife
If you wouldn’t mind, could you please
___ Turn down your damn Jewish music
___ Stop eating my Shabbos leftovers
___ Throw out your Gan Asia condiments
___ Wash the milchig dishes
___ Not talk to your mom till 2am on the phone about how much you hate living with me
___ Pick up your trash
___ Vomit somewhere where I won’t encounter it daily
___ Lower the volume on the On-Demand “adult movie” you are pretending not to watch
___ Stop saying “Oh My God!” while ogling over onlysimchas pictures
___ Stop inviting your obnoxious friends to my meals
___ Stop ignoring my orders
You are bothering me and making it difficult to
___ Sleep
___ Check out Frumster profiles
___ Study
___ Practice my laining
___ Say Tikun Chatzos
___ Type up this article for bangitout.com
___ Hear my Jewish music (Mattisyahu is much better than your crap Dedi)
___ Make out with my shomer-negia boyfriend
___ Talk to my rebbe about my made-up dating problems
___ Exist
I’m asking you very nicely but if you do not comply, I may be forced to
___ Inform your very Jewish mother
___ Get your picture of an ugly celebrity on Bangitout.com
___ Inform your finance about your terminal snoring problem
___ Post a fake engagement of you on onlysimchas
___ Call the cops if you play that goddamn wedding song again
___ Ayin Hara you and everyone you love
You act like you have no idea what I am talking about, but I know about the time
___ You wore pants
___ You threw up during a date in the bathroom
___ You went to the concert on shabbos because you “preordered tickets”
___ You spent the night at “your friends”
___ You got drunk at the office holiday party
___ Ate non kosher sushi at Rubbie Foo's
We’ve had a decent relationship until now and I would like to keep it that way.
___ Thank you
___ I’m serious about that wedding song
___ You owe me $10 for Pizza Roma last Saturday night
___ Move out