Did you see this story? Can you believe it?

A U.S. Air flight headed from New York City’s LaGuardia Airport to Louisville, Kentucky, was diverted to Philadelphia, evacuated, and quarantined after a teenaged man on the flight wrapping himself in tefillin—the traditional Jewish phylactery—was mistaken for a teenaged man on the flight wrapping himself in something that could blow the plane up. Reportedly, a female flight attendant had never seen tefillin before (maybe she skipped that day of Hebrew School?). Flights at the relevant airports are unaffected—or so they say.

In order to prevent this from happening in the future, allow me to present:

The Top 10 Sign that the Guy on your Flight Putting on Tefillin is Really a Terrorist:

#10) He is davening from The Bin-Laden Scroll Siddur.

#9) He is flying from New York to Kentucky! What the hell is a frum guy going to Kentucky for?

#8) He puts on 2 sets of tefillin: Rashi and then Rabienu Bomb.

#7) He claims he is on his way to opening the first kosher KFC in Kentucky. (Hi, I want to place an order. Could I get a bucket of chicken wings, and…uh…y'all got any more of that Matzo Ball Soup?")

#6) He doesn't talk to anyone around him while he is praying. That's a dead giveaway that he's not a real Jew.

#5) As he is putting on the tefillin on his arm and forehead he remarks, 'Hey, at least know if the plane goes down, they'll be able to find these black boxes."

#4) As he prepares to say the Amidah he asks, 'Which way is Mecca?'

#3) He is wearing one of those cardboard kippot you get at the Kotel.

#2) He talks about how he plans to crash a plane into the NBC building and take over The Tonight Show.

And the #1 Sign that the Guy on your Flight Putting on Tefillin is Really a Terrorist…

#1) He says that Allah told him that the Jets would win the Super Bowl.