10) “I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to shake your hand according to Jewish law because I may get turned on and want to have sex with you.” 9) “Achooo!!! WOW, that was a wet one!” 8) “I'm afraid that my case of shomer negiah is actually a bit contagious.” 7) “Sorry, I just came back from the bathroom and forgot to wash my hands.” 6) “My religion only permits me to shake your hand if you dunk yourself naked into a swimming pool”. 5) Look awfully insulted and bow down to her instead. 4) “That's quite some hand you've got there. You seem to be very proud of it.” 3) Say in a cheezy operator voice: “The hand you are trying to reach is now busy. Please hang up and try again later.” 2) Start picking your nose and explain that it's an unfortunate hand twitch you have. 1) “I'm putting this glove on for sanitation purposes only