10. Don't touch the bread, except for that last piece that's stuck in the bag/tin foil
9. Pour some of your Diet Coke on your fingers under the table, just make sure it's not over your crotch.
8. Rub your hands on wood? Does that work, or is that just for asher yatzar/Clemson football players
7. Make kiddush on challah.
6. Take a big gulp of your drink and then squish the bread around your mouth till it's sooo mushy it's not bread anymore.
5. It's the peanut butter N' jelly that's the ikur. The bread is the taphel.
4. The bread could be that mezonos bread they serve on planes right? The people at Wonder bread probably just forgot to mark that
3. Water fountain wash (turning on and off and on and off)
2. Bathroom wash, no cup ( urinal stall water —better ask a shaila)
1.CARBS ARE ASSUR! Never wash again.