10. Your Divrei Torah always include one of the following phrases: Imitatio Dei, Ex Nihilo, A Priori.

9. You dont see any inherent value in Carlebach minyanim and Yisroel Williger concerts, but you still think they are important for "keeping the masses in tow".

8. You are only willing to attend a shiur whose title contains the phrase "From the perspective of the Rav".

7. You have thoroughly studied the intricacies of the Contradiction of Free Will and an all-knowing God, but you don't know what bracha to say on a banana.

6. Shul is always a good time to catch up on some reading.

5. Instead of referring to God as 'God' or 'Hashem', you use fancier words like "The Godhead" or "The Deity".

4. Learning mussar is bitul Torah.

3. When giving a Dvar Torah, you feel the need to either quote the New Testament or Apocrypha.

2. When someone mentions an Aish Hatorah teaching, your response is "Aish Hatorah? Oh, thats… cute".

1. Sometimes in a Torah discussion, you'll say: "The Rambam discusses this in Moreh Nevuchim, but you wouldnt understand it."