T'was the night before Chanukah, boychicks and maidels
Not a sound could be heard, not even the draidels.
The Menorah was set on the chimney, alight
In the kitchen the Bubba hut gechapt a bite.
Salami, pastrami, a glassala tay
And zayerah pickles with bagels, oh vay!
Gezunt and geschmack, the kinderlach felt
While dreaming of tagelach and Chanukah gelt.
The clock on the mantelpiece away was tickin'
And Bubba was serving a schtikala chicken.
A tumult arose like a thousand brauches,
Santa had fallen and broken his tuches.
I put on my slippers, eins, tsvay, drei,
While Bubba was now on the herring and rye.
I grabbed for my bathrobe and buttoned my gotkes
While Bubba was busy devouring the latkes.
To the window I ran and to my surprise
A little red yarmulke greeted my eyes.
Then he got to the door and saw the Menorah,
"Yiddishe kinder," he said, "Kenahora.
I thought I was in a goyisha hoise,
But as long as I'm here, I'll leave a few toys."
With much geshray, I asked, "Du bist a Yid?"
"Avada, mien numen is Schloimay Claus, kid."
"Come into the kitchen, I'll get you a dish,
A guppell, a schtickala fish."
With smacks of delight, he started his fressen,
Chopped liver, knaidlach and kreplah gagessen.
Along with his meal, he had a few schnapps,
When it came to eating, this boy was the tops.
He asked for some knishes with pepper and salt,
But they were so hot, he yelled "Oy Gevalt."
Unbuttoning his haizen, he rose from the tish,
And said, "Your Kosher essen is simply delish."
As he went to the door, he said "I'll see you later,
I'll be back next Pesach, in time for the Sedar."
More rapid than eagles his prancers they came,
As he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
Now Izzy, now Morris, now Yitzak, now Sammy,
Now Irving and Maxie, and Moishe and Mannie."
He gave a geshray as he drove out of sight:
"Gooten Yomtov to all, and to all a good night."
The Nite before Hannukah
Version Two
'Twas the night before Chanukah, boichiks and maidels
Not a sound could be heard, not even the dreidels
The menorah was set by the chimney alight
In the kitchen, the Bubbie was hopping a bite
Salami, Pastrami, a glaisele tay
And zoyere pickles mit bagels– Oy vay!
Gezint and geschmock the kinderlach felt
While dreaming of taiglach and Chanukah gelt
The alarm clock was sitting, a kloppin' and tickin'
And Bubbie was carving a shtickele chicken
A tummel arose, like the wildest k'duchas
Santa had fallen right on his tuchas!
I put on my slippers, ains, tzvay, drei
While Bubbie was eating herring on rye
I grabbed for my bathrobe and buttoned my gottkes
And Bubbie was just devouring the latkes
To the window I ran, and to my surprise
A little red yarmulka greeted my eyes.
When he got to the door and saw the menorah
"Yiddishe kinder," he cried, "Kenahorah!"
I thought I was in a Goyishe hoise!
As long as I'm here, I'll leave a few toys."
"Come into the kitchen, I'll get you a dish
Mit a gupel, a leffel, and a shtickele fish."
With smacks of delight he started his fressen
Chopped liver, knaidlach, and kreplach gegessen
Along with his meal he had a few schnapps
When it came to eating, this boy sure was tops
He asked for some knishes with pepper and salt
But they were so hot he yelled out "Gevalt!"
He loosened his hoysen and ran from the tish
"Your koshereh meals are simply delish!"
As he went through the door he said "See y'all later
I'll be back next Pesach in time for the seder!"
So, hutzmir and zeitzmir and "Bleibtz mir gezint"
he called out cheerily into the wind.
More rapid than eagles, his prancers they came
As he whistled and shouted and called them by name
"Come, Izzie, now Moishe, now Yossel and Sammy!
On Oyving, and Maxie, and Hymie and Manny!"
He gave a geshrai, as he drove out of sight
"A gut yontiff to all, and to all a good night!"
[Unknown Author]
The Nite before Hannukah
Version Three
'Twas the night before Chanukah
and all over the place
There was noise, there was kvetching
Soch ah disgrace!
The Kinderlach, sleeping,
uneasily felt
The chocolate rush
from the Chanukah gelt
And me in the easyboy,
so stuffed with latkes,
I stretched the elastic
which held up my gatchkes.
When up on the roof
(and it has a steep pitch)
A fat alte kakker
was making a kvitsch.
I jumped up real quick
and I ran to the door,
Was it a bandeet,
or only a schnorrer?
He wasn't alone;
he had eight ferdelach,
And called them by name
as he gave a gebrach:
"On Moishe, on Yankel, on Itzik, on Sam,
On Mendel, on Shmendrik, on Feivush, on Ham;
My kidneys are kvelling;
do you give a damn?"
He had a white beard
and payyes to boot,
And to keep out the cold,
he had such a nice suit!
A second from Peerless,
I could tell at a glance,
But the cut was okay,
and so were the pants.
He was triple XL,
a real groisser goof,
So I yelled out,
"Meshuggener! Get off from Mein roof!"
He jumped down and said
as he shook hands with me,
"Max Klaus is the name.
You have maybe some tea?"
So I gave him a gleisel,
while he shook his white mop,
Mutt'ring, "Always the same thing,
They're dreying my kopp!"
>From Vancouver to Glacer Bay,
Outremont to Reginek,
Every shmo in the world
hakks meir a cheinik!
They're screaming for presents,
and challah with schmaltz,
And from Brooklyn alone,
the back pain, gevaltz!"
So we sat and yentehed,
and we spun the old dreydels,
(He took all of my money,
and one of my kanidels)
He said, "Business is not bad,
a living I make,
But I'm getting too old
for this Chanukah fake;
And the cell phones, you see
how my pacemaker dings?
For two cents I'd quit,
and move to Palm Springs?"
And he gave a geshrei
as he fled mit a lacht,
"Gut Yontiff to All,
Vey is Mir, Such a Nacht!"
The Nite before Hanukkah
Version Four
(Yiddish translations provided at the end)
'Twas the night before Hanukkah, as it is said
And Santa was sitting and hocking his head
He had all the toys wrapped up nice in his zeckel
For maidlach and boys to give each one a peckel
The reindeer were saddled and ready to fly
Like a crew of brave astronauts all through the sky
But Santa was starving to eat a good meichel
Some regular food that would stick to his beichel
Not plum cakes or mincemeat or peppermint candy
But some kosher cooking he thought would be dandy
So he called to his reindeer, "Hey, kinder, let's go
To a Jewish balbusta and don't be so slow."
The house had no chimney, so he went through the door
And kissed the mezzuzah and jumped on the floor
Then the man of the house said, "Santa you devil
Come on, don't be shy and see our split level
The night is still early, there's plenty of zeit
So come in the den and please have a bite
If only we knew you were coming, by gosh
But I'll call out the wife and she'll give you a nosh
A slice of stuffed derma, a few little strudels
Some chicken salami, some flanken with noodles
Some blintzes, some kreplach, some lox and bialy
A bissel chopped herring, an end piece of chaleh
And if all of these goodies don't fill up your gatkes
Last but not least, some Chanukah latkes."
"A latke?" cried Santa, "what is this delight?"
On the outside it's golden and inside it's white.
On the outside so crisp and inside it's yummy
And he gobbled them up 'til he filled his fat tummy.
Then they gave him a dreidel and showed him the plays
And he took a menorah to light for eight days
And to give Santa some spirit and to show how they felt
For mazel they gave him some Chanukah gelt.
He beamed and he chuckled and said "Kine-ahaora,
I don't want to feel like a Chanukah schnorrer
To show you how much I enjoyed your Jewish snack
I'm leaving you everything, even my sack."
Then he called to his reindeer and said, "Luz mir gehn."
And each one got ready as he schlepped on the rein
"Giddyap Irving, Hoo Ha Sidney, Hi ho Sadie, Let's go Minnie,
Onward Gussie, Upward Solly, Ole Becky, Oy Vey Molly."
And they swore that he yelled as he rode out of sight
"MERRY LATKES" to all and to all a GOOD NIGHT."
Very Rough Translations of yiddish:
zeckel= bag
maidlach = girl
peckel = coin
meichel = meal
beichel = stomach
kinder = children
balbusta = lady of the house (usually a very nice description)
mezzuzah = Commandments inside a small oblong ornament attached to right side of the door jam
zeit = life
nosh = snack
stuffed derma = cow intestines
flanken = flank steak
blintzes = rolled like a crepe, but stuffed full with fruit & cottage cheese (or something similar)
bissel = a little piece
lox = smoked salmon (fish)
bialy = kind of roll, sold with bagels
chaleh = bread
gatkes = guts
latkes = potato pancakes
dreidel = special spinning top, with hebrew letters on the side, used for a game at Chanukah
menorah = candle holder for symbolic Chanukah candle lighting
mazel = luck
gelt = coins
schnorrer: cheapskate, typically used to descibe someone who always takes, but never gives anything back