when she dances she makes the band skip
– when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease doctor gave her 13 years
to live
– she puts mayonnaise on aspirin
– her ass has its own congressman
– her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard
– when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts
– her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph
– her driver's license says Picture continued on other side
– the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs
– all the restaurants in town have signs that say Maximum Occupancy240 Patrons
– when she ran away they had to use all four sides of the milk carton
– when she gets in an elevator it HAS to go down
– she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth
– she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her
– I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side
– they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through
– her nickname is DAAAMN
– she has to iron her pants on the driveway
– she's on BOTH sides of the family
– when I yell Kool-Aid she comes crashing through the wall
– she could sell shade
– when she crosses the street cars look out for her
– people jog around her for exercise
– she gets runs in her jeans
– her blood type is Ragu
– when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu she gets an estimate
– if she got her shoes shined she'd have to take his word for it
– she has to put her belt on with a boomerang
– when she turns around people throw her a welcome back party
– she can't even jump to a conclusion
– she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
– her belly button doesn't have lint it has sweaters
– when she cuts herself she bleeds gravy